a little dream exercise...

"Am I dreaming or awake, right now?" 

Be serious, really try to answer 

the question to the best of your ability 

and be ready to justify your answer.

the identity...

there is a moment upon just 

waking up from a dream 

when you experience 

a startling shift in perspective; 

in that moment you realize that 

the life you were most recently leading - 

the life in your dream - 

was merely a product of your imagination - 

in this transition period your return 

to the waking world often seems 

like the termination of an illusion...

awakening from a lucid dream 

can be just as startling...

because the conscious realization

that you are dreaming does not 

dilute the power of your 

dream identity at all.

the dream warrior - my own lucid dream experience

in 1995 i went to the twin eagles pow wow in shreveport - it was the first one i had attended and my friend and i decided to go on opening day, taking along my twin granddaughters [aged 7] -

two nights before the pow wow, i had a very very vividly intense lucid dream - in my dream, which i realized to be a dream as i dreamed, i found myself in a completely pure white room - a single room with the white so bright as to be unimaginable - a pure unadulterated radiant white - in this room were several older women who were seated - no words were spoken but i knew that they were telling me that they were there to help me somehow - i can still see the cluster of them today, sitting with their long black hair the only real color in the room - they told me there was someone i needed to meet - and they were sending him to me - and through an opening in the room walked a very tall muscular man in native american regalia - he also verbalized nothing as he walked toward me - he was wearing a large plumed headband and dressed in solid white - i remember observing me from behind as i stood in the room - as he got closer to me, i awoke - and i remember watching him come closer toward me - as he got directly in front of me, i awoke -

the dream was one of those that leaves you overwhelmed with its intensity - wondering of its meaning - and feeling as if it were an actual "real" experience rather than a "dream" - i told my friend about it later that day and we laughed about it even, about the tall dark indian warrior coming to me in my dreams -

the day of the pow wow i gathered up my little granddaughters, picked up my friend and we drove to the pow wow at the shreveport fair grounds, and the huge arena in which it was being held - the crowd was enormous but we were able to get seats right on the second row from the front - perfect seats - the grand parade began with the marching out of different tribal representatives in full regalia - there were several sets of drummers chanting beating - the air was electrified - i heard nothing but the drums and the chants and the rhythm of it all - of the drums the voices the feet pounding the dirt floor - and a feeling of i don't know what came over me - a feeling of "coming home" - of having "been away" for a very very long time - a feeling of pure love - a feeling at the same time of absolute and total grief - i mean, pure unadulterated absolute "grief" - and i began to sob - i don't mean that i shed a few tears - i mean that i sobbed as if there had been a death - the sobs racked my body - they overtook my soul - my being - i was aware of people around me turning to look at me - some of them even smiled knowingly - when finally i could control the sobbing, or it stopped of its own accord, actually, i knew that something inexplicable had just happened to me but knew not what - and then, a single dancer - a kiowa - was announced - and out onto the dirt floor walked the native man who had come to me in my dream - the man in the white regalia with the beautiful headpiece - and as he danced, he danced toward me, looking at me as his feet struck the sand with each beat - i was transfixed in that moment and could do nothing but absorb the totality of those moments in time -

after several more dancers had performed, someone took my hand for me to come with them to the arena floor to join the dance/the drum - i don't remember the person - and we left out seats, my granddaughters, my friend and i, and went out onto the dirt floor where we joined hands with dancers and others and danced around the arena in unison, as one entity, to the beat the rhythm of the drums and the cries of the chants - a moment of pure beauty and love -

after the pow wow was over, we tried to find this man - this dream warrior - but unsuccessfully - he was not to be found -

but i could not lose the reality of the dream or of the elder women or of this man - and several days later i contacted someone whom i knew to be associated with the shreveport twin eagles group [but whom i'd never met] - we met for lunch the next day and i told him my dream story and the story of my reaction at the pow wow - the sobbing and the associated feelings - the grief and coming home and of peace and love - and he listened to me, his eyes never leaving my face, his long silver hair below his shoulders, with his hands out on the table toward mine - and he told me that the man in my dreams was dennis zotigh, a kiowa from oklahoma and that he, himself, had personally chosen dennis to dance at this pow wow - that dennis is a known "messenger" and that i had been chosen to receive the message this time - there was something for me to learn - a journey to be had - and then he asked me to join the twin eagles group, which i did -

i stayed a member for several years - and did contact dennis but did not receive a response - much to my dismay - however, it could be that he simply never received my email message as he tours constantly - whatever the reason, though, i have not communicated directly with him but he remains a part of my life in many ways -

and so - this is my story of the women elders and the native man who came to me in my dream -

in the arms of wonder...

not
all
lucid dreams
are useful
but they all have a
sense of wonder
about them -
if you must sleep
through a
third of your life
why should you
sleep
through
your
dreams
too?

the island house -

- lucid dream - may 2009

i dreamed a "long" dream involving someone with whom i was in a relationship for a long period of time - without going into the details of the entire dream, the ending of the dream was the most significant - in the dream, i was at my friend's "home combined with his medical practice" [in reality, he is a physician but does not have his practice in his home] - the house had no walls but had large columns around - everything was in white - i knew that i had to leave and i was to leave alone [very condensed version of entire dream] - as i was leaving, somehow, i was carrying an infant - a baby - i decided that rather than climb a steep hill to get to my car, i would go into a large stream of water which turned out to be much deeper than i had first thought - with a rapid hard current - i held the baby up above my head and while i'm trying to "walk" through the water with the baby, i realize that the current is too strong and too deep for me and that i cannot swim in it and hold the baby - then "i" tell myself that i need to "look at me" in the water to see if the water is above my head and to be sure that "i" am ok - and i do - i am again slightly above me in the water - i see the back of my wet head with my hair dripping down into the water and i see my head "bobbing" up and down as i am trying to reach the bottom to keep my footing - then i see that the water is only to my chin and i watch me navigate better to the shore and know that the worst is over - and then i go back into my dream of me in the water - and awaken -

COMING AND GOING - LUCID DREAMS

- night of full moon - june 2009

i was dreaming and knew in the dream that i was dreaming and something seemed to "awaken" a part of me at some point - i "awakened" when i heard an odd sound coming from my mouth and i "thought" i better "see" what was happening because of the weird nature of the sound with my breathing - and the next thing, "i" was slightly above "me" who was still sleeping and at the same time, "i" told "myself" to make the breathing sound again so that "i" could "see" if my lips were moving when it was made - and "i" did and "i" saw my lips moving as "i" made the gutteral sounds while still "sleeping" - and then "i" said to my sleeping self that "i" should awaken because of the breathing problem - and i did - awaken -

look inside and awaken...

Your vision
will become clear
only when you
look into your
heart -
Who looks outside,
dreams.
Who looks inside,
awakens.

dream warrior...

in 1995 i went to the twin eagles pow wow in shreveport - it was the first one i had attended and my friend and i decided to go on opening day, taking along my twin granddaughters [aged 7] -

two nights before the pow wow, i had a very very vividly intense lucid dream - in my dream, which i realized to be a dream as i dreamed, i found myself in a completely pure white room - a single room with the white so bright as to be unimaginable - a pure unadulterated radiant white - in this room were several older women who were seated - no words were spoken but i knew that they were telling me that they were there to help me somehow - i can still see the cluster of them today, sitting with their long black hair the only real color in the room - they told me there was someone i needed to meet - and they were sending him to me - and through an opening in the room walked a very tall muscular man in native american regalia - he also verbalized nothing as he walked toward me - he was wearing a large plumed headband and dressed in solid white - i remember observing me from behind as i stood in the room - as he got closer to me, i awoke - and i remember watching him come closer toward me - as he got directly in front of me, i awoke -

the dream was one of those that leaves you overwhelmed with its intensity - wondering of its meaning - and feeling as if it were an actual "real" experience rather than a "dream" - i told my friend about it later that day and we laughed about it even, about the tall dark indian warrior coming to me in my dreams -

the day of the pow wow i gathered up my little granddaughters, picked up my friend and we drove to the pow wow at the shreveport fair grounds, and the huge arena in which it was being held - the crowd was enormous but we were able to get seats right on the second row from the front - perfect seats - the grand parade began with the marching out of different tribal representatives in full regalia - there were several sets of drummers chanting beating - the air was electrified - i heard nothing but the drums and the chants and the rhythm of it all - of the drums the voices the feet pounding the dirt floor - and a feeling of i don't know what came over me - a feeling of "coming home" - of having "been away" for a very very long time - a feeling of pure love - a feeling at the same time of absolute and total grief - i mean, pure unadulterated absolute "grief" - and i began to sob - i don't mean that i shed a few tears - i mean that i sobbed as if there had been a death - the sobs racked my body - they overtook my soul - my being - i was aware of people around me turning to look at me - some of them even smiled knowingly - when finally i could control the sobbing, or it stopped of its own accord, actually, i knew that something inexplicable had just happened to me but knew not what - and then, a single dancer - a kiowa - was announced - and out onto the dirt floor walked the native man who had come to me in my dream - the man in the white regalia with the beautiful headpiece - and as he danced, he danced toward me, looking at me as his feet struck the sand with each beat - i was transfixed in that moment and could do nothing but absorb the totality of those moments in time -

after several more dancers had performed, someone took my hand for me to come with them to the arena floor to join the dance - i don't remember the person - and we left out seats, my granddaughters, my friend and i, and went out onto the dirt floor where we joined hands with dancers and others and danced around the arena in unison, as one entity, to the beat the rhythm of the drums and the cries of the chants - a moment of pure beauty and love -

after the pow wow was over, we tried to find this man - this dream warrier -but unsuccessfully - he was not to be found -

but i could not lose the reality of the dream or of the elder women or of this man - and several days later i contacted someone whom i knew to be associated with the shreveport twin eagles group [but whom i'd never met] - we met for lunch the next day and i told him my dream story and the story of my reaction at the pow wow - the sobbing and the associated feelings - the grief and coming home and of peace and love - and he listened to me, his eyes never leaving my face, his long silver hair below his shoulders, with his hands out on the table toward mine - and he told me that the man in my dreams was dennis zotigh, a kiowa from oklahoma and that he, himself, had personally chosen dennis to dance at this pow wow - that dennis is a known "messenger" and that i had been chosen to receive the message this time - there was something for me to learn - a journey to be had - and then he asked me to join the twin eagles group, which i did -

i stayed a member for several years - and did contact dennis but did not receive a response - much to my dismay - however, it could be that he simply never received my email message as he tours constantly - whatever the reason, though, i have not communicated directly with him but he remains a part of my life in many ways -

as a result of this incredible experience, afterward i wrote a stream of consciousness group of words that seem to describe this dream visit - it is also posted elsewhere on one of my blogs but i place it here where it best belongs -

and so - this is my story of the women elders and the native man who came to me in my dream -

other recent lucid dream of several weeks ago -

i dreamed a "long" dream involving someone with whom i was in a relationship for a long period of time - without going into the details of the entire dream, the ending of the dream was the most significant - in the dream, i was at my friend's "home combined with his medical practice" [in reality, he is a physician but does not have his practice in his home] and knew that i had to leave and i was to leave alone [very condensed version of entire dream] - as i was leaving, somehow, i was carrying an infant - a baby - i decided that rather than climb a steep hill to get to my car, i would go into a large stream of water which turned out to be much deeper than i had first thought - with a rapid hard current - i held the baby up above my head and while i'm trying to "walk" through the water with the baby, i realize that the current is too strong and too deep for me and that i cannot swim in it and hold the baby - then "i" tell myself that i need to "look at me" in the water to see if the water is above my head and to be sure that "i" am ok - and i do - i am again slightly above me in the water - i see the back of my wet head with my hair dripping down into the water and i see my head "bobbing" up and down as i am trying to reach the bottom to keep my footing - then i see that the water is only to my chin and i watch me navigate better to the shore and know that the worst is over - and then i go back into my dream of me in the water - and awaken -

most recent dream - night of full moon -

i was dreaming and knew in the dream that i was dreaming and something seemed to "awaken" a part of me at some point - i "awakened" when i heard an odd sound coming from my mouth and i "thought" i better "see" what was happening because of the weird nature of the sound with my breathing - and the next thing, "i" was slightly above "me" who was still sleeping and at the same time, "i" told "myself" to make the breathing sound again so that "i" could "see" if my lips were moving when it was made - and "i" did and "i" saw my lips moving as "i" made the gutteral sounds while still "sleeping" - and then "i" said to my sleeping self that "i" should awaken because of the breathing problem - and i did - awaken -

the pillars in the pasture...

one of the "oldest" dreams i remember is one that occurred when i was about 14 years old - in this dream, i was in a large field, a pasture of sorts, where tall blue-green grass rippled in the soft breeze made by little specks of fluffy white in the blueblue sky - in this dream i was part observer and part participant - i remember watching me in the dream as i ran through the pasture from the lower left corner of my "dream picture" - i was running toward the center of the pasture where there stood a two gigantically tall white pillars quite some distance apart and from the pillars there flowed beautifully soft gauzelike sheers - i was in a long white dress that was fitted at the waist with a full skirt - i also remember my running through the tall soft grass toward those pillars - i can still feel the breeze sweep my face and push my long hair backward as i ran - running to the soft white light of the sheers between the pillars - and just as i approach these beautiful sheers opening softly toward me i am watching me again - i approach close enough then that i feel the white light caressing me as i began to go through the sheers - i see me again from a distance - directly under and in the flowing sheers - but not quite to the other side - and then i awaken -