Friday, June 26, 2009

red and white and ice...

that thursday evening and night were much like all the others, except that during this period of time, i was once again inundated with para/perfectlynormal experiences - but, that particular day had seemed uneventful enough when i went to bed for the night between 10:30 and 11:00 pm - however, around midnight, i was awakened from a terrible dream - i mean, i was awakened suddenly, gasping for breath and sat straight up in bed - i was a bit disoriented - the dream had been so real - as if i had been there - it took a moment to grasp that i was in my own bed - and safe - in the dream that had so violently awakened me, i saw what i thought to be a large passenger plane - an airliner which i took to be a usairway plane because it was red and white [and i thought i remembered usairways having red/white planes] - in any event, i saw the front nose and long side of what i thought to be a plane - it was red, with a white streak all the way down the side - i could see the "windows of the cockpit" area and they appeared to be black - the "plane" was sinking in a large vast area of ice - i could see nothing but ice everywhere - white ice with broken blocks of ice strewn about in water - i saw no people - only the body of this huge "vessel" in the broken ice - i awoke with a start, freezing cold and shaking - when i could not shake the images of my dream, i turned on the tv for a news story of a plane crash but could not find anything - then i went to my computer but there was nothing there - so i tried going back to bed but lay awake a long time before finally falling asleep again - when i did awaken again, the first news i saw was the ship "explorer" sinking in the antarctica - it was the red "vessel" with the white stripe and "cockpit" row of windows from my dream glaring back at me from the screen -

ring of dreams...

this is a photo of me when i was 15 years old - it's taken at a local park pond where i loved to go whenever i could - the "necklace" is actually a high school senior class ring of my boy friend at the time - charles was several years older, joined the marines right after HS and was stationed on the west coast when this pic was made - in any event, this time in my life was one of the really extremely intense periods of my being in touch with those "other" senses - you know the ones - those that others think you're weird for having so you don't tell anyone about the dreams you have that come true - the thoughts that happen - but my dreams/thoughts of that kind were so prevalent then that i would write them down with the date of the dream or thought and seal them in an envelope - then i would give them to the one person i trusted - my english teacher who was such a dear friend to me - and when the "event" happened i would ask her to open the envelope and read what i had written before the "event" occurred - several of these experiences involved charles - in one incident, i dreamed that charles had been injured in a car crash - it was one of those dreams from which you awaken in a cold sweat not really sure if you're dreaming or not - i wrote my little note about it that day and gave it to my teacher as soon as i got to school - everything went ok that day - no big deal - no news - then, the next day, i was called into the principal's office where my teacher was also - and i was told that charles had been critically injured in a car accident the night before - in california - he eventually recovered fully -

dream warrior...

in 1995 i went to the twin eagles pow wow in shreveport - it was the first one i had attended and my friend and i decided to go on opening day, taking along my twin granddaughters [aged 7] -
two nights before the pow wow, i had a very very vividly intense lucid dream - in my dream, which i realized to be a dream as i dreamed, i found myself in a completely pure white room - a single room with the white so bright as to be unimaginable - a pure unadulterated radiant white - in this room were several older women who were seated - no words were spoken but i knew that they were telling me that they were there to help me somehow - i can still see the cluster of them today, sitting with their long black hair the only real color in the room - they told me there was someone i needed to meet - and they were sending him to me - and through an opening in the room walked a very tall muscular man in native american regalia - he also verbalized nothing as he walked toward me - he was wearing a large plumed headband and dressed in solid white - i remember observing me from behind as i stood in the room - as he got closer to me, i awoke - and i remember watching him come closer toward me - as he got directly in front of me, i awoke -

the dream was one of those that leaves you overwhelmed with its intensity - wondering of its meaning - and feeling as if it were an actual "real" experience rather than a "dream" - i told my friend about it later that day and we laughed about it even, about the tall dark indian warrior coming to me in my dreams -
the day of the pow wow i gathered up my little granddaughters, picked up my friend and we drove to the pow wow at the shreveport fair grounds, and the huge arena in which it was being held - the crowd was enormous but we were able to get seats right on the second row from the front - perfect seats - the grand parade began with the marching out of different tribal representatives in full regalia - there were several sets of drummers chanting beating - the air was electrified - i heard nothing but the drums and the chants and the rhythm of it all - of the drums the voices the feet pounding the dirt floor - and a feeling of i don't know what came over me - a feeling of "coming home" - of having "been away" for a very very long time - a feeling of pure love - a feeling at the same time of absolute and total grief - i mean, pure unadulterated absolute "grief" - and i began to sob - i don't mean that i shed a few tears - i mean that i sobbed as if there had been a death - the sobs racked my body - they overtook my soul - my being - i was aware of people around me turning to look at me - some of them even smiled knowingly - when finally i could control the sobbing, or it stopped of its own accord, actually, i knew that something inexplicable had just happened to me but knew not what - and then, a single dancer - a kiowa - was announced - and out onto the dirt floor walked the native man who had come to me in my dream - the man in the white regalia with the beautiful headpiece - and as he danced, he danced toward me, looking at me as his feet struck the sand with each beat - i was transfixed in that moment and could do nothing but absorb the totality of those moments in time -
after several more dancers had performed, someone took my hand for me to come with them to the arena floor to join the dance - i don't remember the person - and we left out seats, my granddaughters, my friend and i, and went out onto the dirt floor where we joined hands with dancers and others and danced around the arena in unison, as one entity, to the beat the rhythm of the drums and the cries of the chants - a moment of pure beauty and love -
after the pow wow was over, we tried to find this man - this dream warrier -but unsuccessfully - he was not to be found -
but i could not lose the reality of the dream or of the elder women or of this man - and several days later i contacted someone whom i knew to be associated with the shreveport twin eagles group [but whom i'd never met] - we met for lunch the next day and i told him my dream story and the story of my reaction at the pow wow - the sobbing and the associated feelings - the grief and coming home and of peace and love - and he listened to me, his eyes never leaving my face, his long silver hair below his shoulders, with his hands out on the table toward mine - and he told me that the man in my dreams was dennis zotigh, a kiowa from oklahoma and that he, himself, had personally chosen dennis to dance at this pow wow - that dennis is a known "messenger" and that i had been chosen to receive the message this time - there was something for me to learn - a journey to be had - and then he asked me to join the twin eagles group, which i did -
i stayed a member for several years - and did contact dennis but did not receive a response - much to my dismay - however, it could be that he simply never received my email message as he tours constantly - whatever the reason, though, i have not communicated directly with him but he remains a part of my life in many ways -

as a result of this incredible experience, afterward i wrote a stream of consciousness group of words that seem to describe this dream visit - it is also posted elsewhere on one of my blogs but i place it here where it best belongs -
and so - this is my story of the women elders and the native man who came to me in my dream -

other recent lucid dream of several weeks ago -

i dreamed a "long" dream involving someone with whom i was in a relationship for a long period of time - without going into the details of the entire dream, the ending of the dream was the most significant - in the dream, i was at my friend's "home combined with his medical practice" [in reality, he is a physician but does not have his practice in his home] and knew that i had to leave and i was to leave alone [very condensed version of entire dream] - as i was leaving, somehow, i was carrying an infant - a baby - i decided that rather than climb a steep hill to get to my car, i would go into a large stream of water which turned out to be much deeper than i had first thought - with a rapid hard current - i held the baby up above my head and while i'm trying to "walk" through the water with the baby, i realize that the current is too strong and too deep for me and that i cannot swim in it and hold the baby - then "i" tell myself that i need to "look at me" in the water to see if the water is above my head and to be sure that "i" am ok - and i do - i am again slightly above me in the water - i see the back of my wet head with my hair dripping down into the water and i see my head "bobbing" up and down as i am trying to reach the bottom to keep my footing - then i see that the water is only to my chin and i watch me navigate better to the shore and know that the worst is over - and then i go back into my dream of me in the water - and awaken -
most recent dream - night of full moon -

i was dreaming and knew in the dream that i was dreaming and something seemed to "awaken" a part of me at some point - i "awakened" when i heard an odd sound coming from my mouth and i "thought" i better "see" what was happening because of the weird nature of the sound with my breathing - and the next thing, "i" was slightly above "me" who was still sleeping and at the same time, "i" told "myself" to make the breathing sound again so that "i" could "see" if my lips were moving when it was made - and "i" did and "i" saw my lips moving as "i" made the gutteral sounds while still "sleeping" - and then "i" said to my sleeping self that "i" should awaken because of the breathing problem - and i did - awaken -

the pomegranate dream...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

the pillars in the pasture...

one of the "oldest" dreams i remember is one that occurred when i was about 14 years old - in this dream, i was in a large field, a pasture of sorts, where tall blue-green grass rippled in the soft breeze made by little specks of fluffy white in the blueblue sky - in this dream i was part observer and part participant - i remember watching me in the dream as i ran through the pasture from the lower left corner of my "dream picture" - i was running toward the center of the pasture where there stood a two gigantically tall white pillars quite some distance apart and from the pillars there flowed beautifully soft gauzelike sheers - i was in a long white dress that was fitted at the waist with a full skirt - i also remember my running through the tall soft grass toward those pillars - i can still feel the breeze sweep my face and push my long hair backward as i ran - running to the soft white light of the sheers between the pillars - and just as i approach these beautiful sheers opening softly toward me i am watching me again - i approach close enough then that i feel the white light caressing me as i began to go through the sheers - i see me again from a distance - directly under and in the flowing sheers - but not quite to the other side - and then i awaken -